


And the guns shot above our heads

by caitastrophe8499



Series: Lost in Streams of Sound [5]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Depression, F/M, reckless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-16 16:26:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13639983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caitastrophe8499/pseuds/caitastrophe8499
Summary: Series Title: Lost in Streams of SoundLyrics from “Heroes”, by David Bowie.Post established relationship, but only barely. A mission goes sideways and Leonard loses his cool, revealing some unpleasant truths.





	And the guns shot above our heads

 

Sara woke up slowly, her aching stomach giving her a rundown on the success of their latest mission. She winced, pressing her hand to the bandages, wondering what exactly had happened. Looking up, she wasn’t entirely surprised to see Leonard sitting in the corner.

“Hey, crook,” she rasped. “Death’s door, again, huh?”

His mouth was tight and he didn’t respond with his trademark smirk. The usually far reaching lights med bay didn’t seem to touch him, leaving his eyes lost in shadow.

Casting her gaze around the room, Sara didn’t see anyone else present, but didn’t want to assume. “The team?”

“Fine.” The answer was short and unemotional.

“And the mission?”

“Completed.”

“Good,” she sounded overly cheery in comparison to him. “Glad to hear it. Gideon?”

“ _Yes, Captain_?”

“How long do I have to stay here?”

_“I would recommend 48 hours at the least.”_

Sara frowned. “I’ll give you twelve.”

“ _Captain, the removal of six bullets is no small matter, even for advanced technology and-”_

“Where’s everyone else?” she cut off the AI, ignoring the way Leonard wasn’t even looking at her now.

“Sara!”

As if summoned by her question, the rest of the team appeared in the doorway.

Sara smiled and tried to sit up, ignoring the pain that lanced through her in the process. “Hi.”

“How are you feeling?” Ray asked.

Sara glanced over at him, casting a quick smile at a worried looking Jax. “Like I had six bullets in me.”

“My record was four,” Mick muttered, sounding put out.

“Feel free to take back the title,” she joked.

“What happened out there?” Nate spoke up. He and Stein were in the back of the group, but patted her ankle to reassure themselves.

“Firefight,” Sara said, shrugging. “I remember being pinned with Mick and Len, and a bunch of guns being drawn. I stepped out and...that’s the last thing I remember.”

Amaya approached her, smiling sadly. “You got caught in the crossfire.”

Getting to his feet, Leonard scoffed, the first sound he’d made since the others had arrived. His silence, the way he’d barely look at her, his obvious but inexplicable anger, all of it served to upset Sara, who responded with her own venom. “Got something to say?”

“Not me,” he responded coldly, a tone he usually only reserved for enemies and idiots.

“You sure seem to have an opinion.”

He glanced at her, disdain an expression unfamiliar on his face, at least to her.

“You don’t want to hear it.”

“Try me.”

There was almost an audible snap as Leonard lost his infamous control and turned on her, his hands nearly vibrating as he gripped the bar of the bed. “You stepped in front of those goddamn guns on purpose!”

Martin quietly muttered, “Perhaps we should-”

Sara reeled a little, not having expected that. “It was the only way to-”

“Mick could have melted them. I could have frozen them. Firestorm could have caused an explosion. There were a dozen ways to end that without you stepping in the way and you know it.”

“There wasn’t enough time,” she argued.

“So we’ll keep that in mind next time, shall we?” He turned to their uncomfortable audience, striding towards the door. “Jax,” he waved his hand at the unfortunate teen, adopting his typical Captain Cold tone, “feel free to become a human shield, because that’s apparently how we do things around here.”

“I made a judgment call.”

“Oh, birdy,” he stopped and faced her, “there was no judgment there. Complete lack thereof, more like it.”

“Well, someone had to stop them.”

“No,” he snarled, pointing his finger at her. “No, you don’t get hide behind sanctimonious lies. You stepped in front because you’re reckless to the point of suicidal.”

“I’m not suicidal, I was protecting the team! You!”

He laughed, a hard, angry sound that made her chest twist even as her anger rose. “Oh Lance, you’re delusional. You’re not selfless. You’re fucking depressed.”

Sara’s sharp inhale was loud in the deafening silence that followed. She didn’t dare look at anyone else, because she didn’t want to see their faces, because she didn’t want to see their judgment-

Because he was right.

“Go to hell,” she spat out.

His voice dropped low, anger and something much more upsetting quivering off of every syllable, “Been there. Six hours ago, while your team was hunkered down, and the guns shot above our heads, and you went down.”

In the second heavy silence that followed, Leonard walked out.

* * *

Sara hesitated outside of a door, her hand raising to knock before dropping back down to her side. Chewing on her lip, she stared at the metal for a long time before-

“Just open the damn door, Lance,” Leonard called out.

Annoyed, she opened the door to see him sitting at his desk, the cloth and oil next to his cold gun explaining what he’d been doing. He turned his seat to look at her, arms crossed and brow cocked. There was a moment of tense silence, then-

“Thought Gideon said 48 hours.”

“This couldn’t wait.”

He didn’t stand, but he unknotted his arms and relaxed in his seat slightly.

“Come to ream me out for yelling at you?”

Her gut reaction had been to do so, to fight back, to find something to shout at him about so she didn’t have to face the gnawing, knotted hole inside her chest that knew what he’d said had been true. An even smaller part had to admire Leonard’s no holds barred approach to everything - including fighting with her. However, she knew (dreaded?) that he was right and she wasn’t here to yell at him. She wasn’t even angry with him.

When she’d finally gained control over the bloodlust, she’d felt that gaping ache inside of her, that constant dragging feeling. She’d ignored it, but she knew what it was. She just hadn’t thought anyone else had seen.

“Not the venue I would have preferred, but no.”

His brow arched further and he waited.

“I came to apologize. And to say that...that you’re right.” She nearly choked, but she got the words out. They hung between them, embarrassing, ugly admissions and she waited for his frustration and anger to come back.  
When he remained silent, she found herself shoving more words out into the air, trying to cover up what had been said, trying to make it right.

“I’m sorry. I’ll try not to be reckless and this whole depr- whatever, I’ll try to be better. I’m sorry.”

At that, the anger came back and he got to his feet, “What the hell are you talking about?”

“I know you’re pissed I’m depressed when I should be happy, but-”

Leonard cut her off. “Lance, you’re the smartest moron I’ve ever met.”

She frowned. “You’re mad-”

“I’m livid,” he said, completely calm. He came close to her, crowding her space. Instead of making her feel smothered or trapped, she felt relaxed and protected, even when they were fighting, even when she knew she didn’t need protecting.

Her confusion must have shown on her face, because he ran his hands up her arms, drawing her into a hug that was a little too tight. “I’m angry that you aren’t taking care of yourself. I’m pissed because I nearly lost you. I’m not upset that you’re depressed.” Loosening his grip, he allowed her to step back enough to look at his face. Right now, she couldn’t even see a hint of the anger that had consumed him before.

“But there’s no reason for me to be.”

“I’d figure losing your sister, dealing with being brought back twice, and taking command could all be contributing factors. But besides all that, there doesn’t need to be a reason.”

She tried to find any tint of judgment or upset on his face, but it wasn’t there. Just worry, now. Shaking her head, she pressed her face into his sweater, “I don’t want to be...weak.”

“This doesn't make you weak, Lance.” His lips pressed into the crown of her head. “The fact that you’ve gone this long without any help at all means the exact opposite. And needing help now doesn’t mean you’re weak, either. Means you’re human, which some of us had been beginning to doubt.”

She chuckled slightly, but didn’t want him to think she wasn’t taking it seriously. “I don’t like medicines that mess with my head.”

“There are other options. And I’d think that future tech might have developed something.”

_“As a matter of fact, there are eighteen possible remedies we could try that have little to no effect on-”_

“Thank you, Gideon,” Leonard cut her off. “There’s also therapy.”

She smiled tightly, more comfortable with that than with medicine, though not by much.

“And there’s me.”

Sara pulled away to look at him again.  
Leonard was watching her carefully, “I know this...thing we’ve got going on is still new. But even before everything else, before the Legion and the Oculus, we would talk. You can still talk to me.”

“I didn’t want you to think I’m not happy with you, because I am.”

“Of course you are,” he smirked, almost unbearably arrogant.

She smiled and shook her head gently. “You know what I mean.”

“I know.” He wasn’t teasing any longer. His eyes were earnest, though he tried to keep it out of his voice as he said, “So, you stop being so reckless and talk to me when you’re feeling down. And I will not take anything you say personally and try not to yell at you in front of the team again.”

“And medicine?”

“We’ll play it by ear. Whatever you’re comfortable with.”

Sara inhaled deeply, a small knot of tension releasing in her. She pulled back, finding herself once again amazed by this crook and wondering if she would ever stop feeling that way.

She hoped not.

Leaning up, she kissed him, and maybe his hands held a little too tightly, and maybe her kiss was a little too rough, and maybe their words hurt each other just a little too much. But it was always their way of doing things.

So maybe the way Leonard saw through her made her consider things that made her a little too scared and a little too weak and a little too unsure, but then wouldn’t it make sense that, just like all their other things that were a “little too,” this would be worth it in the end, as well?

Sara believed so. So she kissed him once more, then stepped back. With a quick smile, she suggested, “How about we play cards? And maybe..talk a little?”

“I’ll deal.”

 

.


End file.
